issues

i was wondering if anyone could help me. maybe give me some advice? i've tried to get a play list on my page, but it won't actually play music for me. please let me know if it is or is not working for you. i feel like it won't play when you click the button... :o/

also, i was able to get the rest of my supplies for my portfolio this week/weekend and am excited. i have to finish up 3 paintings & then i'll be done! yay! however, right now, because of my excitement and zeal for the future i don't want to do anything for my classes i'm currently taking this semester. i get used to being home& right when i am accustomed, i have to pack up & move out...again. :( but there is good news, i only have 6 weeks left before finals& i'll be coming home for my 4 month summer on may2nd!! whoo hoo! i just need to focus, pray, and work hard for these last couple of weeks because they are going to fly by like crazy!

ps. spring break has sadly come to an end, and i have been privileged to capture some awesome pictures and am super duper excited to put them up once i get back to school. so make sure you check them out soon on my other blog!

oh ya!! i also got new specks for my beautiful blue eyes and a longggggg overdue upgrade for my cell phone. amanda {my twin sis} & i now each have individual phones and no longer have to share which is a good thing. we've been sharing the same phone since 10th grd. i think that we would probably continue to share it for a longer period of time, but there has been some complaints of fuzzy&crackly sounds when we talk. so this convinced us to leave the antique behind and go for something a bit more updated. there is a time& a season for everything, and i guess it was time to move on and start new. :D

We have decided to donate the phone for soldiers across seas to use.

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have no fear! i'm still here!

hey everybody! i'm just checking in because i haven't been on in about a week. right now i am on my spring break and have been at home, church, friends' houses, playing volleyball with some churches, etc. & having a blast during all of it. :) i am also pretty busy with make-up readings {ewwww} that i want to get done for my classes&also stuff in order to get ahead {ewwww again..}.

with this new direction for my life and my major, i am in the midst of getting together an art&photography portfolio to hand in upon my arrival back to ny. once i get this done, i can be officially signed off as a CAT {creative arts in therapy} art major!! :D :D :D :D

for this portfolio, i have been asked to get about 10 pieces together. i have done two sketches so far, i am choosing four photos {which is MUCH harder than i thought}, and hope to do another sketch and three paintings by the end of the week! ah! i am excited though, and still feel like this is something God wants for me. i am ambitious&am happy to say that already my creative juices are a-flowin'! --whoot!

thank you lord!

as a side note, i'd like to share that today {as i was taking a shower}, i was able to really pray about some issues that were on my mind&heart for a long time. some hurts, some misunderstandings/confusions, and even for some unforgiveness i had. i started off just praying&thanking the lord for the wonderful day i was able to enjoy. from there, i was able to pray and actually TALK to God. now you have to understand, usually i pray very short prayers here and there every now and then throughout the day and such. i have never really prayed in the shower before, or at least for longer than 2 minutes while in there. for a while now, i have been yearning to really conversate with Jesus, and to treat him as my best friend that he REALLY IS and to go and give up my burdens to him. it was a really nice feeling or rather encouragement that the things that i have been praying about are in fact capable to be taken care of! hm, would you think about that...God really taking our fears and concerns and all we have to do is give them over to him! so easy, and yet, we as humans continue to make things so darn difficult!

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but, to finish up, i was able to express the many issues on my heart concerning some things that were causing some unforgiveness towards 1-2 people. it is usually easy for me to brush things off my shoulders and let go, but this particular situation has been with me for a few months, and when i was able to leave the routine way of approaching prayer, i was released and able to move on. God still has to help me to fully move on, but i believe that i have made a right turn in the right direction. :)

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jason upton- in the beginning

"In the beginning God saw everything when love went wandering into the night.

Was I first or last?
Was I second best?
These questions quickly pass into the light.

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I’ll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own.

When my vision died you opened my eyes to something that I had never seen. I have touched your hands and you have called me friend, but doubting never ends until I believe.

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I’ll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own."

-Jason Upton

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i couldn't find a better video for this song on youtube. but it is on itunes. the name of the song is In the Beginning Pt. 1 from the cd 1200 Feet Below Sea Level. this song has been on my heart for the last two days. i've just been playing it over&over all morning today. love it.

thank you lord for letting us call onto you! father, you have promised us peace and love... thank you for always being in the midst. i want to be your little girl. i want to come to you in times of need. i want to be intimate and talk with you about every aspect of my life. i don't want to leave you out anymore. i want a heart of worship for you--a way of life. i want&need to seek you and be in your presence. i love you Jesus.

to-do lists

oh the joys to being alive in this day & age. so many ideas, so many expectations, so many things...to do.

making a list helps a person get organized. it allows a person to see what he/she has to accomplish in preparation for upcoming events&assignments. a to-do list is a source of stress relief because you tend to not forget what is due when you visually see the notes&check things off as they get completed----well unless you forget to write something on the list, and that is another point for another time. perhaps i can write a post on forgetfulness. i should put that on my to-do list. ;P

i said that lists can help with relieving stress because you can see the lists of demands&commitments you previously are assigned to or agreed to complete. however, once that list goes from short to medium to long to longish to very long, well, forget about relieving stress, you have so much stuff to do by then! you don't have time to think about other things.

i made a to-do list last night. a list of assignments&exams due that i have to get done before Friday afternoon when i go home for spring break. it was sorta long, but not too bad because i only focused on one week of work, rather than a month or so {which i know will be stressful to even look at---one week at a time, one week at a time}. so, i wrote out my list of things to do, and included everything i presently need to accomplish as well as some "catch up stuff" because it is quite common that i get behind by a chapter or so of reading in one of my classes. from there, with everything included, i grabbed my highlighter and thought "i should highlight my priorities, so i can break things up and not get overwhelmed". great idea right? of course, except when everything on the list is highlighted except for two. :/

then, i came back from chemistry about 20 min ago, and was informed that i have a lab exam on wed {as well as everything else in the entire universe}, one more thing to add to the list!

oh wait, don't let a sigh of relief yet, we're not done yet! i forgot to add my day2 midterm for sociology that is on friday. awesome.

i talked to amanda&my other roommate jill last night letting them know that obviously we all have things to do this week {projects, papers, exams, etc} and to not worry when the room is super quiet and we are not all happy-go lucky. we are just going to really have to focus so we won't snap at eachother. be more considerate, and quiet than usual as well. help out whenever we could.

i also said that i'm going to be pretty stressed today because i have to write two papers today. i asked amanda if she could help me calm down if i get a little wired {you see, i already get nervous and anxious when i have to write one paper & writing two, well, is new to me}. she said something that i was pretty ashamed of not thinking of first before i opened my mouth. she mentioned, "well, God will help you first you know"... well durr! of course he will!!! i wanted to hit myself in the head. i need to go to him first before anyone else. he is my peace&comforter, which is exactly what i need for this chaotic week.

::thank you lord for always being there for me when i need you. both in good times & bad. i pray for peace, rest&comfort in the times that i get anxious today. my life is in your hands. i want to do well, make you my proud daddy. i don't want to let you down. i will work hard&try to stay focused. i am so thankful that you hold me when i need to be held, and smile at me as my eyes get lower... whenever i need it. i love you Jesus::

don't worry blog, i'm not letting you down

lately i've been going about my days like normal. wake up, shower, go to class, come back from class, eat, etc.

but every now and then, more often now than before, i have been thinking&praying about a lot of stuff. all kinds of things pertaining to my life now&for the future.

i feel like i am sorta in a rut with my blogging--but not. :/ i have never been a huge writer, but i liked to do it sometimes. ever since i started writing posts, as i go about my day, certain thoughts&situations come my way that cause me to ponder. "i should write this on my blog! this would be so cool!" usually pops into my head multiple times a day. but, by the time i get to my room, so many distractions have already beat me to the computer and either, i don't feel motivated to write anymore, or i forget what it was that i originally wanted to write about. then there are those times where i do remember what i wanted to write about, but have no idea as to how to go about it! therefore making me feel very disorganized {which i hate}, and somehow letting down my blog. :/ i know that this isn't true, but somehow i got the impression that when a person has a journal or diary or blog {which can also be seen as a virtual diary}, they tend to write in it frequently. writing everyday isn't practical for me but if an idea or thought comes, why stop it right? i never see the point in ceasing something if it is working out fine for the time being.

i created this blog so i could share {all} my thoughts openly&freely. it seems easier to share your life with strangers than with people you know. you are connected some way on the internet. not the same way with those whom i care about here at school, church, or home, but yet, we are still somewhat bonded by an invisible string. bloggers want to share who they are, to meet new people& basically display whatever they have a desire for. my sudden urge to write came from a need to get in a closer relationship with God. i needed to share what has been instilled in me. i have been poured with God's love&spirit&word for a long time, and finally needed an outlet. it is so vital to release what is inside of you. God uses us as his go-between---but only when we are willing to work for him. when we agree to whole-heartedly be a vessel for him to work through us, that is when his will is able to be fulfilled. obviously we can't do everything, but i can see people as his little-helpers.

this is why i have this blog. to write what is on my heart, what God puts on my heart, as well as some babbling that just needs to be done. :)

i guess this is all i wanted to share about today. not quite sure if it made any sense, or if it had any relavance or influence on anyone but nonetheless, it was something i needed to blog.

oh ya, i haven't done any work today either. yay for me!! :/

a much needed visit

my very dear friend nancy, came to visit amanda & i at school this weekend. she came yesterday afternoon, slept over, and left later today.

it was definitely a "much needed visit".

i love her so much. one of the most beloved aspects of our friendship {with my other besties as well}, is that we can have a great time.....doing nothing! just sitting with eachother, laughing/giggling, talking, relaxing, and being just what God created us to be. that is when the most precious bonds are formed.

thank you nancy for making an effort to come to troy! we love & appreciate you!

however, because she left much later than planned, i did not get any school work done. therefore, tomorrow will be a "much needed library visit". ;P

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a new path: thank*you*jesus!

this will most likely be my longest post ever.. for this particular time in my life at least. i really didn't know how to explain everything i wanted to say. so i thought that the beginning would be a good place to start. :)

junior year of high school we all had to start thinking about college. where to go and what to go for. i seemed to enjoy my science classes, liked sports, and heard that the medical field is a good place to go for jobs. after some thought i decided to go to school for physical therapy.

after i chose to go to school in troy, new york, i needed to pick a major for my undergraduate degree {you can't have physical therapy as a major--it is only part of grad school}. i chose health sciences. i figured it would hit all the right areas needed to prepare me for work after graduation.

freshman year began. classes started. the fun goes a-rollin'. right? sorta.

i liked my psych class, english, women of the world {figures--a gen ed course for a woman's college}, etc. i hated anatomy. yes, some of the content was interesting, but the book was horrible, the lab was horrible, cats in lab were horrible {yes, we had to dissect cats}, and the tests were time consuming to study for and tough. i worked hard, but just couldn't understand the material in time for the exams. it seemed that i would always learn the information after the exam was over. :/

sophomore year arrives. i'm going on my normal day-day schedule: chemistry, psych classes, nutrition, orthopedic evaluation, etc. i'm getting really stressed about next year and grad school. i had wanted to re-do anatomy next year, not because i failed but because i wasn't happy with my grade and a do-over would help my with my gpa. so as i met with my adviser in october. i talked to her a little bit of what i wanted to do. what to swap for next semester's schedule, what to do and when. i also spoke of leaving the advanced PT program {3+3} and going to the 4+3 PT program instead. she told me that that was an easy adjustment to make.

i didn't want to take a million science classes and not fully appreciate or enjoy the college experience. i am going to a liberal arts school, and am currently not receiving a variety of classes. i wanted to be able to do dance as well as the other arts & photography.

however, as i continued to think, read&prepare for my upcoming years here, i just felt so uneasy in my spirit. i knew that i could do the work. i'm not incapable. it was just that i was afraid of being behind my class and not being able to get a job afterward. i also couldn't see myself as a physical therapist. originally, i thought i did. working in an office for sports rehab and/or with athletes was my plan. the more i tried to picture my future, and the more i prayed that God would show me an answer, the more i couldn't see myself as a physical therapist.

so, i went to those who meant a lot to me: family&friends. they all said that i work hard, explain information&material very well, and relate to people. some said i would make a good physical therapist.

winter break comes. yay! no classes for a whole month! after some much needed r&r, i needed to buy books again & get ready for spring semester.

i was on the computer at home, ordering books with my mom. i remember this vividly. then, as we were looking through the online catalog of the college's bookstore, i started to get stressed out. was this really what i wanted to continue in? should i even bother going on with a health science major? again, an uneasiness in my inner self&spirit arose. i started to cry with an unknowing of what to do. my mom&i talked about it, and she had told me to make an appointment with a local physical therapist who knows our family friends pretty well. needless to say, the appointment didn't end up happening. but she did say to me before, "did you ever pray about this?"

by this she meant my major. did God ever want me to do physical therapy? i wasn't sure because i never truly asked.

my sister&i return back to school. i go about my daily schedule, and am trying to stay positive&work hard. with the dance show coming up, work, and studies... things got very busy&hectic--very fast.

for a while now, i don't precisely know how long, i have been dealing with a lot of stress, uneasiness&confusion concerning my future&major while here at school. so, once again, i start thinking about my options. i prayed and talked it out with my friends.

the ball got rolling on wednesday of last week. i was coming back from the gym with my friend and we were talking about my worries&concerns. i told her about how i was afraid that i wouldn't be a good physical therapist, get a job, or be happy. i told her that the reason why i kept health sciences as an option for my major was because i took a few classes that really inspired&excited me about health&wellness. healing from the inside out. the whole body&mind--not just the scientific levels of a person.

my choices went like this:
*health sciences/PT
*health sciences/PT with photography classes jr&sr year
*health sciences NO PT {i could do this, but i will eventually need a specialty later on anyways}
*creative arts & therapy with a dance concentration {i liked dance, but would really like to use it as a personal outlet--plus my sister has that major}
*creative arts & therapy with a visual arts concentration
*creative arts & therapy with a visual arts concentration & integrated photography classes.
---hm, that last one sounded reaaaalllllyyyyyyyy good.

last week on thursday i was in my friends' room and we talked for HOURS {not just on this subject} but it was where i brainstormed, shared, confessed&sought counsel. in the end....

...a decision was made.

i have decided to change my major from health sciences/pt to CAT visual arts&photography!!!! :D

immediately following, i felt total peace, rest&clarity. i am positive that god had his hand on the situation. after my declaration, my friend val told me that about two months ago, she had this feeling that physical therapy wasn't really meant for me. that it wasn't what i was supposed to do. it didn't fit. THANK YOU JESUS! what a confirmation!

i am actually happy&excited for school again! i wrote my adviser an email, and am now on a brand new road! a new road that i am sure god will have his hand on once again. i will continue to seek him out and pray that he will continue to teach me to be quiet and rest in his peace&love&wisdom.

this new aspired journey will be one of creativity, love & a willingness to allow God to move through me. my vision is to help heal those hurt from the inside out through art and God's almighty love.

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one::saturday::morning::

my dad decided to take his ladies out to a delicious breakfast at a little bistro tavern in a nearby town. it was a wonderful time together as a family {even though not everyone was there}--talking, laughing&of course eating! <3>

amanda

pretty centerpiece

dad&amanda

i love this one

looking out of the window

clock

sweet old fridge

reflection!

i love this one too :)

benches

family pictures!

sorry, a bit blurry

amanda&i think that this horse is used to tie up bikes... never saw anything like it before. any ideas?

LOSTgeneration

i got this in an email. it is totally amazing! you need to watch it in its entirety. this video definitely hits home at the end.

busy*bee

i've been a very busy bee lately. lots of studying, reading, working, and of course checking my emails--multiple times. ::whoops::

my mom always told me that when you are studying, you should take periodic short breaks to clear your head and so you don't become antsy.

well, the key is to take those breaks after some significant amount of studying first.

::whoops:: again, oh well.

i have a chem test tomorrow at 8am and am not too excited for it. hopefully i will go in with a clear head and a calm heart. no point in taking a test when you are so worried you can not focus--might as well not study for hours before hand!

i am aiming at going to bed tonight at a reasonable hour-- please God, let me get some much needed rest tonight.

sorry that this post was short. i suppose i was using it as my "break".

i'll be back later--tonight--tomorrow--sometime in the future.

God bless you! <3>

:: philippians4:13
i can do all things through Christ who strenthens me ::